Enjoy listening to my journal entry from today, or just read it below — either way, thank you for stopping by!
When I think of my life I feel so disappointed. Stuck. Unfulfilled. I see a lot of loss. Sadness. I remember the good and that I had moments of joy, but what resonates with me is mostly the loss, the heartache, the unfulfilled dreams.
And here’s the strange part:
I feel like all of that may be a good thing. I mean, I wish I had already accomplished my goals, but I think if life is completely satisfying and all your goals have been met, then maybe you’re closer to death than you realize? So, it’s a good thing. Or it can be? My frustration is that it feels like it’s taking forever for me to accomplish some basic things, that’s all. But, I also realize, that my journey is something I need to embrace. I’m choosing to embrace it. All of it.
For what it’s worth, I never thought I’d make it this far. My past says I shouldn’t have gotten this far. I should have been dead by my early teens. Simply, I know I should’ve been a statistic. And honestly, with all the obstacles along the way, I’m surprised I’m here too. Grateful. But completely-totally surprised.
I used to think death would be a welcomed relief. I felt so alone, so daunting in my struggles, so helpless. But the truth is I also love this life. I do. No matter what I’ve been through as a kid, no matter what I go through now as an adult, I find myself in a place of joy – loving this life. No. Matter. What. And I started to wonder, why?
I love people and I their moments of pure kindness. I love their thoughtfulness. I love that no matter how bad a day can get, you can find a silver lining even in the worst of moments. I love that the that essence of good, always outwits even the most evil of situations. It does. Good does trump bad. All the time. It may not happen as fast as I’d like, or as clearly as I’d like, but at the end of the day, goodness does always win. I see it.
And I love who I am. I know – its so weird. But inspite of it all, I always have. My body changes, my fears grow, my pain is deeper, my frustration – lengthy and yet, at the end of the day, I am so good! I know I’m smart – even if it’s just street smart and not book smart, it matters so much to be intelligent this way. And I love that I care. I care so much about the world and about others. And as much as I feel pain deeper, I feel joy extraordinarily! My frustration is because I know I’m not being the BEST me I can be – and when that happens, when I’m being my ultimate best, I know I can help another person. I can change the world when I’m at my full potential. And not being at my full potential scares me.
I turned out amazingly brilliant. Of this I’m sure. Normally I wouldn’t toot my own horn, but I need to do this. I need to remind myself of how great I am. And that ultimately I’m doing okay.
I love this life. And although I’m not great at puzzles or figuring out formulas, I know I fit somewhere in this maze. More importantly, I know we all do. We all fit somewhere. And even though we all have these goals that sometimes feel so daunting and so unreachable – the fact is that life may just be all about the process of walking through. Always searching for the light even in the loneliest of moments, even in the most extraordinary moment of pain – finding the light must be the thing. It’s my only constant.
It may be cliché, but I truly believe that getting knocked down is normal, but finding your way back up is courageous. There’s no doubt that I feel knocked down more days than I feel courageous, but once you get up after falling – it doesn’t get easier, but you do get sort of used to it. So I’m starting to view my “failures” my “knocked down” moments as “just another day” and I don’t dig the hole deeper – I just let it be what it is.
And then I get back up. I brush it off, and I get back up.
So here’s the glorious part of what I know for sure: Getting up, gives me more moments of SHINE. Getting back up and brushing it off makes me feel like “it” didn’t win. And like the lottery, you can’t win if you’re not playing – so getting back up, makes me feel like I’m back in the game. And damn it, if I’m not going to win eventually.
Enjoy the Podcast or the Transcription Below:
I wanted to talk to you today about being smart.
I actually had a couple of experiences in the past few days that I realized how easy it is for people to come across looking so stupid because they don’t know this little trick. I’ve been doing this tiny trick since I was a little kid. And I am shocked by how easy it is AND how horrible it is that people don’t know this simple thing.
Let me give you the two examples.
One was in the national media with the republican nominee for President, Ben Carson, who thought it was wise to share his thoughts on what you should do if confronted by a gunman in a classroom. Now I don’t care how you spin this, he’s basically blaming the victim. The fact of the matter is no one knows how they would react, especially as young teenagers or young adults who were mostly in that classroom – not having any idea that someone was about to confront them with gunfire.
So that’s one example.
The second example I wanted to share was a personal one. I have this friend who constantly feels the need to share medical advice even though she has no actual experience or education in the medical field whatsoever. So, if you just say you have a headache, all of a sudden we’re going down this rabbit hole of medical information that she’s clearly gotten from WebMD and whatever crazy show she’s watching on television. She just ends up looking like an idiot. And yesterday I kinda confronted her on it and so it made me think about doing this blog post.
Here’s the trick to appearing smart:
First of all, realizing that there is nobody on the planet – not Einstein when he was alive or even someone like Stephen Hawking – who knows everything about everything. Nobody does. Admitting that you don’t know or have to have an answer to everything is the first step. It’s okay not to know everything. And since I was a little kid, I’ve never spoken about things I know nothing about.
If I don’t know something that someone’s talking about, I will actually say to them; “You know what, I don’t know anything about that subject.” Or I can’t give an opinion because I don’t know enough about it. What this does is allows people to understand that you have some humility and that you’re not trying to be a bragging person, but it also allows you to be an expert in the things you are an expert about (or think you’re an expert about). And it also frees you from always having to have an answer.
Anyways, I just wanted to share that. I’m sure a lot of you know the kind of people I’m talking about who are constantly talking about things they know nothing about. And the irony is, they think they’re being smart, they think they have one up on you, but you know they’re actually very stupid – because even things that they’re saying, make no sense whatsoever. It reminds me of an In Living Color skit that I had to post here. And it just made me laugh so I had to share it.
Anyways, thanks for stopping by again. I hope you’re having a great day, definitely have a sweet day and I hope to be back again real soon.
Music by Chris Zabriskie, Prelude No. 23
I was interviewed yesterday by a very up and coming young reporter for a project they’re doing and I was asked to name a few of my favorite things and I thought I’d share just a sample:
What is your favorite book, that you would take if stuck on a deserted island where there was no internet?
There are three books I have read over and over again for many years. And if I was stuck on a deserted island, I’d pick these to have with me:
And what is your favorite thing to wear?
Well, if I had a my choice always a pair of Jimmy Choos or Pucci’s. But, since most days I don’t need to wear heals, the truth is you can pretty much find me in a pair of the ever so classic Converse.
Just for fun, what would be your choice on a deserted island to read? And for no reason at all, what’s your favorite thing to wear? I guess it’s odd to always pick my shoes first, but I do and then decide what to wear clothes-wise. Funny, I never thought of that before. I love learning new things about myself! Ha!
Have a brilliant rest of the week!
Pope Francis in a Fiat! Arrives at Andrews Air Force Base in Maryland, September 22, 2015, on the start of his first visit to the United States. I couldn’t love this any more!
And, I don’t need to write anything else. A picture truly is worth a thousand…