We All Fit Somewhere – Journal Entry 10.22.15

Enjoy listening to my journal entry from today, or just read it below — either way, thank you for stopping by! 

Baseball CarmenWhen I think of my life I feel so disappointed.  Stuck. Unfulfilled.  I see a lot of loss. Sadness.  I remember the good and that I had moments of joy, but what resonates with me is mostly the loss, the heartache, the unfulfilled dreams.

And here’s the strange part:

I feel like all of that may be a good thing.  I mean, I wish I had already accomplished my goals, but I think if life is completely satisfying and all your goals have been met, then maybe you’re closer to death than you realize?  So, it’s a good thing. Or it can be?  My frustration is that it feels like it’s taking forever for me to accomplish some basic things, that’s all.  But, I also realize, that my journey is something I need to embrace.  I’m choosing to embrace it. All of it.

For what it’s worth, I never thought I’d make it this far. My past says I shouldn’t have gotten this far. I should have been dead by my early teens.  Simply, I know I should’ve been a statistic.  And honestly, with all the obstacles along the way, I’m surprised I’m here too.  Grateful.  But completely-totally surprised.

I used to think death would be a welcomed relief.  I felt so alone, so daunting in my struggles, so helpless.  But the truth is I also love this life. I do.  No matter what I’ve been through as a kid, no matter what I go through now as an adult, I find myself in a place of joy – loving this life.  No. Matter. What.  And I started to wonder, why?

I love people and I their moments of pure kindness.  I love their thoughtfulness.  I love that no matter how bad a day can get, you can find a silver lining even in the worst of moments.  I love that the that essence of good, always outwits even the most evil of situations.  It does.  Good does trump bad. All the time. It may not happen as fast as I’d like, or as clearly as I’d like, but at the end of the day, goodness does always win. I see it.

And I love who I am. I know – its so weird.  But inspite of it all, I always have.   My body changes, my fears grow, my pain is deeper, my frustration – lengthy and yet, at the end of the day, I am so good!  I know I’m smart – even if it’s just street smart and not book smart, it matters so much to be intelligent this way.   And I love that I care.  I care so much about the world and about others. And as much as I feel pain deeper, I feel joy extraordinarily!   My frustration is because I know I’m not being the BEST me I can be – and when that happens, when I’m being my ultimate best, I know I can help another person.  I can change the world when I’m at my full potential.  And not being at my full potential scares me.

I turned out amazingly brilliant.  Of this I’m sure.  Normally I wouldn’t toot my own horn, but I need to do this. I need to remind myself of how great I am.  And that ultimately I’m doing okay.

I love this life.  And although I’m not great at puzzles or figuring out formulas, I know I fit somewhere in this maze.  More importantly, I know we all do.  We all fit somewhere.  And even though we all have these goals that sometimes feel so daunting and so unreachable – the fact is that life may just be all about the process of walking through.  Always searching for the light even in the loneliest of moments, even in the most extraordinary moment of pain –  finding the light must be the thing. It’s my only constant.

It may be cliché, but I truly believe that getting knocked down is normal, but finding your way back up is courageous.  There’s no doubt that I feel knocked down more days than I feel courageous, but  once you get up after falling – it doesn’t get easier, but you do get sort of used to it.  So I’m starting to view my “failures” my “knocked down” moments as “just another day” and I don’t dig the hole deeper – I just let it be what it is.

And then I get back up.  I brush it off, and I get back up.

So here’s the glorious part of what I know for sure:  Getting up, gives me more moments of SHINE.  Getting back up and brushing it off makes me feel like “it” didn’t win.  And like the lottery, you can’t win if you’re not playing – so getting back up, makes me feel like I’m back in the game.  And damn it, if I’m not going to win eventually.

The Trick to Being Smart

Enjoy the Podcast or the Transcription Below:


I wanted to talk to you today about being smart.

I actually had a couple of experiences in the past few days that I realized how easy it is for people to come across looking so stupid because they don’t know this little trick.  I’ve been doing this tiny trick since I was a little kid.  And I am shocked by how easy it is AND how horrible it is that people don’t know this simple thing.

Let me give you the two examples.

One was in the national media with the republican nominee for President, Ben Carson, who thought it was wise to share his thoughts on what you should do if confronted by a gunman in a classroom.  Now I don’t care how you spin this, he’s basically blaming the victim.  The fact of the matter is no one knows how they would react, especially as young teenagers or young adults who were mostly in that classroom – not having any idea that someone was about to confront them with gunfire.

So that’s one example.

The second example I wanted to share was a personal one. I have this friend who constantly feels the need to share medical advice even though she has no actual experience or education in the medical field whatsoever.  So, if you just say you have a headache, all of a sudden we’re going down this rabbit hole of medical information that she’s clearly gotten from WebMD and whatever crazy show she’s watching on television.  She just ends up looking like an idiot.  And yesterday I kinda confronted her on it and so it made me think about doing this blog post.

Here’s the trick to appearing smart:

First of all, realizing that there is nobody on the planet – not Einstein when he was alive or even someone like Stephen Hawking – who knows everything about everything. Nobody does.  Admitting that you don’t know or have to have an answer to everything is the first step. It’s okay not to know everything.  And since I was a little kid, I’ve never spoken about things I know nothing about.

If I don’t know something that someone’s talking about, I will actually say to them; “You know what, I don’t know anything about that subject.”  Or I can’t give an opinion because I don’t know enough about it.  What this does is allows people to understand that you have some humility and that you’re not trying to be a bragging person, but it also allows you to be an expert in the things you are an expert about (or think you’re an expert about).   And it also frees you from always having to have an answer.

Anyways, I just wanted to share that.  I’m sure a lot of you know the kind of people I’m talking about who are constantly talking about things they know nothing about. And the irony is, they think they’re being smart, they think they have one up on you, but you know they’re actually very stupid – because even things that they’re saying, make no sense whatsoever.  It reminds me of an In Living Color skit that I had to post here.  And it just made me laugh so I had to share it.

Anyways, thanks for stopping by again.  I hope you’re having a great day, definitely have a sweet day and I hope to be back again real soon.

Music by Chris Zabriskie, Prelude No. 23



Enjoy the podcast, or read below. Either way, I hope you enjoy it a bit…


Patio flowersI honestly don’t know where along the way people started equating being grateful and writing in “gratitude journals” as being something you practiced or did in hopes of getting “abundance”.

Gratefulness or being grateful has nothing to do with getting any sort of “reward”.  If you write in a gratitude journal every day about being grateful you get absolutely nothing but clarity about what you’re grateful for.  It would be analogous to writing an “honesty journal” every day.  Being honest is part of what we can do — it’s an “IS-NESS” and it doesn’t come with a reward of abundance – being honest, like being grateful IS its own reward.  It is part of who we naturally can choose to be as human beings.

It drives me insane when I hear gratitude being linked to abundance or any other reward-esque thing.  And let’s be honest: what does abundance mean anyways?  Surely we all want to believe that abundance is some intangible greatness that we’ll get if we keep writing them journals and praying on it and such, but at the end of the day, don’t we all just want to be able to pay our bills, make a living, keep from illness and despair and have joy more times than not?  Well, spiritual-esque preachers and the like will have you believing that it’s because you’re not grateful enough.  And how would you know?

Now before I get slammed by a bunch of angry spiritual folk, let me say a few things, I believe in God. I believe in being grateful and I actually believe in this mystical abundance – the difference is, I don’t link the two. There is NO quid pro quo.  You do not need to be grateful every day to have this elusive abundance that has no real definition.  I mean, honestly, how many people do you know that are NOT grateful for anything and yet are swimming in material abundance?  And in this case, yes, I’m equating abundance with wealth – but I can also ask you the same question the other way:  how many people do you know who are not as grateful as you are about anything and seem to be living in spiritual abundance even if it feels like a façade?

Surely these “gurus” from all sectors of the spiritual and not so spiritual realm are trying to motivate and inspire.  My problem is they don’t really explain the link, they don’t define the term “abundance” and they leave just enough out to let the flock interpret meaning and keep you coming back for more.

Being grateful, just like being happy, is just part of being human.  Sometimes you see a rainbow and you’re grateful.  You see a baby born, grateful.  You get a bonus, grateful. You break your arm and realize how much you really use it, grateful.  Gratefulness is the outcome of what has already happened. Gratefulness is what already IS.  You don’t need to remind yourself and write about it daily and it is something you should do and BE because you’re human.  You get nothing in return for being a good human except… you know, being a good human!  But people have convinced us that if we walk around in gratitude all day long and appreciate the things you have that somehow magically you won’t still want more – that you’ll be happy with what you have and that appreciating what’s in-front of you will make you not crave anything else.  You’ll be content. Really?

We are human beings.  And the magnificent thing about the human spirit is that we always want more. It’s what got us to the moon, it’s what makes us solve mysteries, cure disease or climb mountains. It’s what makes us create iPhones or damns.  We’re not a complacent species to begin with.  There is nothing wrong with wanting or craving more – and you don’t have to beg for it or prove how grateful you are – one has nothing to do with the other.

But hey, if you do want to get something in return for your efforts, I do have a solution.  And the best part is, you don’t need to write in a journal or spend any money at all, unless you choose to.  And I promise you – if you work on this, you will get a reward that is so profound, you’ll be angry you didn’t start it sooner! It’s not this elusive “abundance” that all the gurus and life coaches seem to spew, but it’s better – and it’s usually provides immediate gratification!  Ready?

Every day, wake up and work on being compassionate.  Do a better job of having empathy for your fellow human beings.  And you can do this everywhere.  Have an abundance of understanding and love for your fellow neighbor even if you don’t agree with them. For example, you can be driving in your car and when someone needs to get into your lane – throw them a smile and wave them on. Most times you’ll get an immediate feeling of joy for doing such a simple act of kindness.  Help someone at work who you know is struggling.  Give a homeless person a smile instead of avoiding them or cursing them under your breath.  Work on those types of things and I promise you, you’ll get so much more in return.

Being a compassionate person, working on being sympathetic and loving is a far greater use of your valuable time than continuously writing in your gratitude journals about all the stuff you’re so grateful for.  It kinda seems a bit self-absorbed and a bit silly when you think of it.

But imagine if you could write down today all the times you were a compassionate soul to another human being?  How many would you be able to write today?  One? Two? Five?   Let me emphasize again, you need not write down a thing. And compassion could be as simple as a smile to a fellow runner or walker along a path — But when we show compassion, something that actually takes effort on our part, not only is it a beautiful thing for the person who needs the moment, who needs the love, but it is most times an immediate gratification for the person showing the compassion.  It’s definitely quid pro quo.  Now, I’m not saying it’s the only reason you should be compassionate, but you know, whatever gets you started there, works for me!

Here’s my thing:  I’m tired of listening to people I admire talk about gratitude in terms of abundance – it’s become so cliché and for whatever the initial intentions where, it’s become skewed and now so very self-indulgent.  Stop it.  Be grateful because it’s something you should be.  Don’t be grateful because there’s some magical gift coming from doing so.

Compassion – that’s the ticket.  You want to write in a journal every day?  Start writing a compassion & empathy journal.  Figure out how to be a more loving, kind and compassionate soul on the planet and I promise you, finding “abundance” won’t even be an issue.

My POV Ray Miller

Have a sweet day . . .


*Music by Chris Zabriskie, Prelude No. 23, http://chriszabriskie.com/

On Being Selfish

Waking up

Enjoy the Podcast or the Written Word (transcribed below)


I woke up this morning with all of this energy. I’m baffled by why sometimes I wake up ready to take on the world and sometimes I can barely pour my cup of coffee without falling back asleep.

But, I did all these emails today. And one of the things that was amazing was someone sent me an email and in the email was this great quote by Kahlil Gibran (who I absolutely love. He wrote The Prophet).

Here’s the quote:

“One day you will ask me which is more important, my life or yours?  I will say mine and you will walk away not knowing that you are my life.”

I love this quote because it talks about, to me, the validity of being selfish.  That when you’re being selfish, when you take care of yourself, you’re taking care of yourself in order to be able to be completely whole so that you can help other people.

I just thought that was a great, awesome email to get today.

Anyway, I’ll be back again soon.  Hope you’re having a great sweet day. And thanks for stopping by!


*Music by Chris Zabriskie, Prelude No. 23, Licensed by Creative Commons 

How To Criticize or Tell Someone A Truth

Enjoy the Podcast or the Written Word (transcribed)


Most people, when hearing something critical do the very normal thing of becoming defensive.  It doesn’t matter how gently you tell someone something — when you’re pointing out that something is wrong, our natural instinct as humans is to defend ourselves.

I got an email from this wonderful person on my LinkedIn page the other day and she was criticizing a picture that I had posted and my first thought was to explain it:  Why I liked the picture so much, that it was a picture that was taken in between two posed pictures by the photographer – I was coming up with all these defensive explanations even though I didn’t need to.

So, knowing this, that none of us like to be told that we did something wrong, or to be criticized, I started thinking about how we speak to each other.  How we can do a better job of finding the right tone and the right way to help people.  And that’s the first key.

This persons email on LinkedIn, was all about me.  It wasn’t about her being right –  she wasn’t trying to be righteous or trying to be better than me.  She was genuinely coming from a place of trying to help me be the best possible ME I could be.  And I think that’s the first important thing to understand when you go to tell someone the truth or when you go to criticize someone:  make sure that the reason why you’re doing it is because you’re trying to help someone else and that it’s not about you at all.

The next thing to remember is to always put yourself in that persons shoes.  How do you best take criticism?   Think about that.  We’re all naturally defensive.  So when you have to hear something that you don’t want to hear, how would it best be relayed to you?  Probably from a very nurturing point of view?  Loving point of view? A kind point of view?  So always put yourself in that persons shoes first.

The other thing that I think is important is tone.  Tone, whether written, or texting or verbally, is extremely important.  If you are in attack mode, that’s how someone’s going to take it. They are going to be even more defensive.  But if you come to it from a place of concern, of kindliness, lovingness, you can hear that in someone’s tone, people tend to take things much easier when you have the right soothing or comforting tone. It’s definitely a skill.  But once you master it, it becomes so much easier to tell people the truth.

Another trick that I use – and I will call it a trick – maybe a strategy is a better way to say it – if I need to tell someone a truth, I always try to first tell them something complimentary.   But it has to be genuine and authentic.  It’s kind of a way to ease yourself into telling someone the truth.  I’ll give you a frivolous example:

I had a friend come over the other night and we were going out and she was dressed very provocatively.  And the shirt she was wearing was just not working for her.  She was going for sexy, but it was definitely coming across more like slutty.  She asked me what I thought of her outfit and I told her the truth. I said, “You know what?  I love what you’re going for – I love the skirt, the shoes are awesome.  But I’m not sure the blouse is the best because it’s taking away from those fabulous legs of yours…”  And she understood.  She got it.  And so she changed the shirt.  The point is, always find a complimentary way to ease yourself into the truth telling.  And it should be authentic and it should be genuine.  And I really did believe her shoes were amazing and she does have the best legs ever!

So the next time you’re in a position of needing to tell someone the truth, make sure you’re coming to it from a place that’s about them and not about you.  Come to it from a nurturing, loving, kind place to help them be the best possible person they can be.  And it’s never about you being right.  Or about you winning.  And if you do that, you’ll always strike the right tone.

By the way, I did change my picture on My LinkedIn Page because of this woman’s email.  She was right.  And I was able to take her criticism and make a better decision.

I hope this helps.  Thank you again for stopping by.  I hope to be back real soon.

In the meantime, have a sweet day!


*Music by Chris Zabriskie, Prelude No. 23, Licensed by Creative Commons