Enjoy the podcast, or read below. Either way, I hope you enjoy it a bit…


Patio flowersI honestly don’t know where along the way people started equating being grateful and writing in “gratitude journals” as being something you practiced or did in hopes of getting “abundance”.

Gratefulness or being grateful has nothing to do with getting any sort of “reward”.  If you write in a gratitude journal every day about being grateful you get absolutely nothing but clarity about what you’re grateful for.  It would be analogous to writing an “honesty journal” every day.  Being honest is part of what we can do — it’s an “IS-NESS” and it doesn’t come with a reward of abundance – being honest, like being grateful IS its own reward.  It is part of who we naturally can choose to be as human beings.

It drives me insane when I hear gratitude being linked to abundance or any other reward-esque thing.  And let’s be honest: what does abundance mean anyways?  Surely we all want to believe that abundance is some intangible greatness that we’ll get if we keep writing them journals and praying on it and such, but at the end of the day, don’t we all just want to be able to pay our bills, make a living, keep from illness and despair and have joy more times than not?  Well, spiritual-esque preachers and the like will have you believing that it’s because you’re not grateful enough.  And how would you know?

Now before I get slammed by a bunch of angry spiritual folk, let me say a few things, I believe in God. I believe in being grateful and I actually believe in this mystical abundance – the difference is, I don’t link the two. There is NO quid pro quo.  You do not need to be grateful every day to have this elusive abundance that has no real definition.  I mean, honestly, how many people do you know that are NOT grateful for anything and yet are swimming in material abundance?  And in this case, yes, I’m equating abundance with wealth – but I can also ask you the same question the other way:  how many people do you know who are not as grateful as you are about anything and seem to be living in spiritual abundance even if it feels like a façade?

Surely these “gurus” from all sectors of the spiritual and not so spiritual realm are trying to motivate and inspire.  My problem is they don’t really explain the link, they don’t define the term “abundance” and they leave just enough out to let the flock interpret meaning and keep you coming back for more.

Being grateful, just like being happy, is just part of being human.  Sometimes you see a rainbow and you’re grateful.  You see a baby born, grateful.  You get a bonus, grateful. You break your arm and realize how much you really use it, grateful.  Gratefulness is the outcome of what has already happened. Gratefulness is what already IS.  You don’t need to remind yourself and write about it daily and it is something you should do and BE because you’re human.  You get nothing in return for being a good human except… you know, being a good human!  But people have convinced us that if we walk around in gratitude all day long and appreciate the things you have that somehow magically you won’t still want more – that you’ll be happy with what you have and that appreciating what’s in-front of you will make you not crave anything else.  You’ll be content. Really?

We are human beings.  And the magnificent thing about the human spirit is that we always want more. It’s what got us to the moon, it’s what makes us solve mysteries, cure disease or climb mountains. It’s what makes us create iPhones or damns.  We’re not a complacent species to begin with.  There is nothing wrong with wanting or craving more – and you don’t have to beg for it or prove how grateful you are – one has nothing to do with the other.

But hey, if you do want to get something in return for your efforts, I do have a solution.  And the best part is, you don’t need to write in a journal or spend any money at all, unless you choose to.  And I promise you – if you work on this, you will get a reward that is so profound, you’ll be angry you didn’t start it sooner! It’s not this elusive “abundance” that all the gurus and life coaches seem to spew, but it’s better – and it’s usually provides immediate gratification!  Ready?

Every day, wake up and work on being compassionate.  Do a better job of having empathy for your fellow human beings.  And you can do this everywhere.  Have an abundance of understanding and love for your fellow neighbor even if you don’t agree with them. For example, you can be driving in your car and when someone needs to get into your lane – throw them a smile and wave them on. Most times you’ll get an immediate feeling of joy for doing such a simple act of kindness.  Help someone at work who you know is struggling.  Give a homeless person a smile instead of avoiding them or cursing them under your breath.  Work on those types of things and I promise you, you’ll get so much more in return.

Being a compassionate person, working on being sympathetic and loving is a far greater use of your valuable time than continuously writing in your gratitude journals about all the stuff you’re so grateful for.  It kinda seems a bit self-absorbed and a bit silly when you think of it.

But imagine if you could write down today all the times you were a compassionate soul to another human being?  How many would you be able to write today?  One? Two? Five?   Let me emphasize again, you need not write down a thing. And compassion could be as simple as a smile to a fellow runner or walker along a path — But when we show compassion, something that actually takes effort on our part, not only is it a beautiful thing for the person who needs the moment, who needs the love, but it is most times an immediate gratification for the person showing the compassion.  It’s definitely quid pro quo.  Now, I’m not saying it’s the only reason you should be compassionate, but you know, whatever gets you started there, works for me!

Here’s my thing:  I’m tired of listening to people I admire talk about gratitude in terms of abundance – it’s become so cliché and for whatever the initial intentions where, it’s become skewed and now so very self-indulgent.  Stop it.  Be grateful because it’s something you should be.  Don’t be grateful because there’s some magical gift coming from doing so.

Compassion – that’s the ticket.  You want to write in a journal every day?  Start writing a compassion & empathy journal.  Figure out how to be a more loving, kind and compassionate soul on the planet and I promise you, finding “abundance” won’t even be an issue.

My POV Ray Miller

Have a sweet day . . .


*Music by Chris Zabriskie, Prelude No. 23,

On Being Selfish

Waking up

Enjoy the Podcast or the Written Word (transcribed below)


I woke up this morning with all of this energy. I’m baffled by why sometimes I wake up ready to take on the world and sometimes I can barely pour my cup of coffee without falling back asleep.

But, I did all these emails today. And one of the things that was amazing was someone sent me an email and in the email was this great quote by Kahlil Gibran (who I absolutely love. He wrote The Prophet).

Here’s the quote:

“One day you will ask me which is more important, my life or yours?  I will say mine and you will walk away not knowing that you are my life.”

I love this quote because it talks about, to me, the validity of being selfish.  That when you’re being selfish, when you take care of yourself, you’re taking care of yourself in order to be able to be completely whole so that you can help other people.

I just thought that was a great, awesome email to get today.

Anyway, I’ll be back again soon.  Hope you’re having a great sweet day. And thanks for stopping by!


*Music by Chris Zabriskie, Prelude No. 23, Licensed by Creative Commons 

How To Criticize or Tell Someone A Truth

Enjoy the Podcast or the Written Word (transcribed)


Most people, when hearing something critical do the very normal thing of becoming defensive.  It doesn’t matter how gently you tell someone something — when you’re pointing out that something is wrong, our natural instinct as humans is to defend ourselves.

I got an email from this wonderful person on my LinkedIn page the other day and she was criticizing a picture that I had posted and my first thought was to explain it:  Why I liked the picture so much, that it was a picture that was taken in between two posed pictures by the photographer – I was coming up with all these defensive explanations even though I didn’t need to.

So, knowing this, that none of us like to be told that we did something wrong, or to be criticized, I started thinking about how we speak to each other.  How we can do a better job of finding the right tone and the right way to help people.  And that’s the first key.

This persons email on LinkedIn, was all about me.  It wasn’t about her being right –  she wasn’t trying to be righteous or trying to be better than me.  She was genuinely coming from a place of trying to help me be the best possible ME I could be.  And I think that’s the first important thing to understand when you go to tell someone the truth or when you go to criticize someone:  make sure that the reason why you’re doing it is because you’re trying to help someone else and that it’s not about you at all.

The next thing to remember is to always put yourself in that persons shoes.  How do you best take criticism?   Think about that.  We’re all naturally defensive.  So when you have to hear something that you don’t want to hear, how would it best be relayed to you?  Probably from a very nurturing point of view?  Loving point of view? A kind point of view?  So always put yourself in that persons shoes first.

The other thing that I think is important is tone.  Tone, whether written, or texting or verbally, is extremely important.  If you are in attack mode, that’s how someone’s going to take it. They are going to be even more defensive.  But if you come to it from a place of concern, of kindliness, lovingness, you can hear that in someone’s tone, people tend to take things much easier when you have the right soothing or comforting tone. It’s definitely a skill.  But once you master it, it becomes so much easier to tell people the truth.

Another trick that I use – and I will call it a trick – maybe a strategy is a better way to say it – if I need to tell someone a truth, I always try to first tell them something complimentary.   But it has to be genuine and authentic.  It’s kind of a way to ease yourself into telling someone the truth.  I’ll give you a frivolous example:

I had a friend come over the other night and we were going out and she was dressed very provocatively.  And the shirt she was wearing was just not working for her.  She was going for sexy, but it was definitely coming across more like slutty.  She asked me what I thought of her outfit and I told her the truth. I said, “You know what?  I love what you’re going for – I love the skirt, the shoes are awesome.  But I’m not sure the blouse is the best because it’s taking away from those fabulous legs of yours…”  And she understood.  She got it.  And so she changed the shirt.  The point is, always find a complimentary way to ease yourself into the truth telling.  And it should be authentic and it should be genuine.  And I really did believe her shoes were amazing and she does have the best legs ever!

So the next time you’re in a position of needing to tell someone the truth, make sure you’re coming to it from a place that’s about them and not about you.  Come to it from a nurturing, loving, kind place to help them be the best possible person they can be.  And it’s never about you being right.  Or about you winning.  And if you do that, you’ll always strike the right tone.

By the way, I did change my picture on My LinkedIn Page because of this woman’s email.  She was right.  And I was able to take her criticism and make a better decision.

I hope this helps.  Thank you again for stopping by.  I hope to be back real soon.

In the meantime, have a sweet day!


*Music by Chris Zabriskie, Prelude No. 23, Licensed by Creative Commons 

Where I’ve Been – Imaginatary

Enjoy the Podcast or the Written Word (transcribed):


Kid Imaginatary ME

When I was a little girl I used to sit in this corner of our apartment. It was kinda the kitty- corner to the kitchen. And I was real little. My mom was alive back then so I was probably about 6 or 7. And I would sit in this one space and I would create these universes.  I pretended to be able to walk into another parallel universe bending time and space and I would play in those other places – like they were always so magnificent too!  And I remember thinking I was pretty “genius-like”.  And sometimes the adults in the house would come by and shake me because I guess I’d be zoning out. But they’d be asking me, “Are you okay?” and “What are you doing?”

And I would just be imagining.  I would just be creating.

And I yearn for that now.

It wasn’t a way to escape. My life was fine, it was pretty normal.  Before my mom died, life was me being a little girl.  Very simple.  And there was this freedom and encouragement to be by your-self imagining the world.

For the past 3 to 6 weeks I have been doing what I can to get back to that space of pure imagination and creativity.  And you know, it’s not as easy as I wish it were because as an adult we have all these other things that we bring to the table, right?  Is it going to be a good enough creation? Is it going to be cost effective? Will people like it? All of a sudden there’s all this other stuffage that comes with being imaginative. And so, for the past 6 weeks or so, I’ve kinda just been being quiet. And trying to put my life in such a way that I can be that little girl playing by herself imagining a different universe in the kitty-corner of the kitchen.

I’ve also been doing what I can to eliminate circumstances in my life that don’t allow me to easily create. And so that’s also been part of what I’ve been doing.  Walking away from certain people or certain positions, or certain areas of my life that I don’t think are conducive to the kind of joy and creativity I want in my life every day, so, we’ll see…

But I’m back today. And if any of you have any other ideas or suggestions on how to stay in that beautiful, creative, imaginatary – did I just make up a word? Imaginatary?  – space,  (I’m gonna say that I just made up a word, but basically I just misspoke, but it’s all good!) I would love to hear your thoughts on it.

Thanks.  Have a sweet day!


*Music by Chris Zabriskie, Prelude No. 23, Licensed by Creative Commons 

Get The “Fudge” Back Up!!!

Success in anything isn’t all about talent. It’s not even all about networking. Certainly it’s not about luck since I don’t believe in any form of luck – good or bad.

The formula for success is an intangible formula to calculate. All the “gurus” always have some answer in “three easy steps” and always for “$249” or something like that – eeh, pahleeze don’t believe the hype!   The formula is different for everyone – no one has the answer for your journey except YOU!

But the one thing that I am sure of, without a doubt, is that success is all about perseverance.  And what does that exactly mean?  It means that every time you fail, every time you fall, every time you get kicked, every time you see no hope, you find a way to get back up and try again.  Dust yourself off or don’t dust yourself off, but get the fudge back up and try again.  Never let anything stop the path you’re on.  It’s your journey. Your dream.  Your life.   Make sure you notice the signs along the way, because you’ll learn something valuable. Pay attention so you don’t accidentally veer off course or go the wrong way, but never give up.  Never ever give up.  And always know, yes, you have it in you to succeed.  We all do.  It’s the beauty of the human spirit.  We’re always trying to know more, do more, be more….  It’s who we are.  And that means, YOU too!

So… No excuses!  Figure it out and keep on keepin’ on!

Freezing in NH! "Persevering" to get my booty back to Cali!

Freezing in NH! “Persevering” to get my booty back to Cali!