Beautiful Men and Depression?

/ Carmen Suarez

Beautiful Men and Depression? 

I started writing a blog on “Beautiful Men” (and when I say “beautiful” I mean more inside than out) and, somehow along the way, I came across this article on WebMD about men and depression.  I’ve never even really consider that men get depressed. Depression does tend to lend itself to being more of a “woman’s disease” and, well… I learned something today and thought I should share the information in case others might be interested.

So, this is for all the beautiful boys out there – and all the girls who love them.  Even if you don’t suffer from depression, you may want to be aware of the symptoms that pertain to men.  At the very least, it was a learning moment for me – and quite interesting.

I’ve copied a part of the article here on my blog – but the rest can be found at:

http://www.webmd.com/depression/depression-men?ecd=wnl_dep_070210

Depression in Men

While clinical depression was once considered a “woman’s disease,” more than 6 million men in the U.S. have at least one episode of major depression each year. Unfortunately, the lingering image of depression as a female condition may keep men who are clinically depressed from recognizing the symptoms of depression and seeking treatment.

Depression actually affects both sexes. It disrupts relationships and interferes with work and daily activities. The symptoms of depression in men are similar to the symptoms of depression in women. But men tend to express those symptoms differently. The most common symptoms of depression include low self-esteem, suicidal thoughts, loss of interest in usually pleasurable activities, fatigue, changes in appetite, sleep disturbances, apathy, and sexual problems, including reduced sex drive. In women, depression may cause them to feel sad and emotional. Depression in men, on the other hand, may cause them to be irritable, aggressive, or hostile.

Why is depression in men commonly not recognized?

There are several reasons why the symptoms of clinical depression in men are not commonly recognized. For example, men tend to deny having problems because they are supposed to “be strong.” And American culture suggests that expressing emotion is largely a feminine trait. As a result, men who are depressed are more likely to talk about the physical symptoms of their depression — such as feeling tired — rather than symptoms related to emotions.

Does depression in men affect sexual desire and performance?

Yes. Depression in men can affect sexual desire and performance. Unfortunately, some antidepressants, like SSRIs, can do the same. Men often are unwilling to admit to problems with their sexuality. Many mistakenly feel that the problems are related to their manhood, when, in fact, they are caused by a medical problem such as clinical depression.

To read the rest of this interesting article please go directly to the WebMD site:

http://www.webmd.com/depression/depression-men?ecd=wnl_dep_070210

PS. I’ll post the “Beautiful Men” blog next week…  promise!  Happy & Safe Fourth everyone!

Peace, love and all that good stuff!

28 thoughts on “Beautiful Men and Depression?”

  1. Interesting blog, Carmen. It’s true that we tend not to share emotions too easily, and that’s part of the big problem ultimately, when men tend to actually go through with suicide (without telling anyone ahead of time) more than females do (who tend to send out a cry for help beforehand). Weird, isn’t it?

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  2. Carmen,
    Many Russian women wouldn’t be agree with me about equal rights, too. But still. For instance, men are always bad when divorce. They almost don’t have rights to get their kids after divorce. They must only pay alimony. It’s forbidden to cry or to be weak. I have many other examples.
    PS.If you want to read in Russian, you can use Google translator.
    Helen.

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  3. Carmen,
    I think men are more depressive than women. They have to seem strong, and this is the biggest challenge for them. In fact, men are not as strong as women. When I hear about equal rights, I think men have much more fewer rights than women nowadays. They really need protection.
    Helen.

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    • Helen, I know you didn’t mean to be funny, but…well, your comment made me laugh. Of course, I know exactly what you meant — and yes, it’s possible that men are more depressed than women, but I have no idea. What I found incredible in this article is that men don’t express it, admit it or are even thought of as depressed. And that more men will attempt suicide and succeed. So, in that sense, yes, I agree with you that men need more “protection” — maybe its more about acceptance, comfort and acknowledgment in this arena? Yes, I agree with you.

      On women’s rights, or “equal” rights? Well, I had to just laugh — great point, but I don’t think there are very many women (especially American women) that would agree! They might just see that as — a whole other subject in general but I understand your point nonetheless!

      (I wish I could read and write Russian!)

      Carmen

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  4. Having known some guys who suffered from depression I have to say I’d never thought of it as a “womans” disease before.

    It’s just one of the MANY things that guys are made to feel uncomfortable talking about. Basically anything that shows weakness, emotion, or your softer side is usually swept under the rug for a lot of guys.

    As you may have noticed Carmen, I don’t have too much problem showing my softer side, haha. But men in general tend to hide that kind of thing.

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    • Hi JM, you know, that’s the interesting thing: I know a lot of beautiful strong “manly” men and what makes them so absolutely stunning and desirable to me (and most of my girlfriends) IS the ability to show a “softer” side, or I’d say a “real” side. A “deeper” side. It’s NOT a weakness at all. The whole “macho-don’t-need-nobody-stronger-than-whatever” mode gets pretty lame after a while. Most times I can only take so much BS and eventually I walk away from those types of men. At some point it just becomes too much work to deal with them (that’s why this artcle hit me so hard when I read it — those are the men that might be suffering from this or something similiar and I just didn’t know or even consider it before — I learn something new every day! And am so grateful for it).

      To me, it’s not ever a weakness for a man to show his vulnerability, emotions or sadness — it’s a strength. And, I hate to admit this, but sexy as hell! If you look at any of the TV characters that women are watching and loving right now on current shows, it’s this guy: the strong manly-man, who’s in touch with his “feminine” side. Nathan Fillion who plays Rick on the show CASTLE, and David Boreanaz as Seely on BONES…and well, that’s just two off the top of my head.

      I guess what I’m saying (and agreeing with you on) is that men shouldn’t feel uncomfortable to talk about this. They really shouldn’t. I’m stunned by the reaction to this blog because I had no idea! To me, it seems almost archaic to think men still feel embarrassed about showing thier FEELINGS! But I guess they still do and this must also be contributing to male depression. As a woman, I am so sorry there is still this stigma attached to depression for a man. They should know that a woman — at least a REAL woman like myself, would love them anyways, and understand the courage it took to admit it. I would say it takes a very strong man to admit his feelings — and those men, I tend to worship and adore more…cuz I know how hard it is. I really do.

      Now this article did focus on American men so I’m not sure where you are, but that may have something to do with your thoughts on not considering it a “woman’s disease”. For as much as I love this country and am all “RA-RA America”, it is quite evident at times that we are somewhat behind in some areas — but we’re working on it, so that’s a good thing! And I do love my American boys, so I hope…we figure this out sooner rather than later.

      And yeah, I’ve noticed you have no quarms showing your softer side…but I think you hide a lot (hee! hee!). And that has nothing to do with depression 😉

      Oh, look at that: I wrote another blog post! Ha! Sorry!

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      • Carmen,

        I love that you wrote a whole blog post in response to my comment, hahaha!

        If you want to compare this to something “girly” you can try thinking of it this way. Most guys don’t want girls who are ridiculously skinny, I know I certainly don’t I mean really, put a little bit of meat on so you have some curves! Yet, girls continue thinking that they need to look like this. I don’t know that it’s necessarily to with guys thinking girls want them like that or girls thinking guys want them like that. It’s more that “society” expects it. That doesn’t mean that when you sit down and rationally think about it it’s going to make sense, because being rational has very little to do with it I think.

        I honestly am not surprised that you would think a guy showing his softer side isn’t a weakness. I’m betting most girls feel that way…..no I take that back. I bet most girls would say that, and they might even think they believe it too, but when the time came a lot of those girls would be sitting there thinking….but he’s such a baby, he acts like a girl, etc. I’m not saying that you would do that Carmen, because I know you better than that I think! Just so we’re clear, I believe you when you say that!

        Regardless, it’s as much the way guys react to that kind of thing as it is the way girls do. Guys can be jerks to each other when it comes to this kind of thing. Whether they pass it off as joking or not it will almost always be made fun of. Believe me.

        Okay, now I’m sure I’ve said far too much. So, all I’m left with is this part where you think I’m hiding a lot………..I’m sure I have no idea what you mean Carmen?????

        😉

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        • JM, I have to agree with a lot of what you said. And you’re right: the analogy is perfect: Women always think men want them to be skinny, but the truth is, the only people ever talking about how fat or skinny a woman is, is generally another woman. Perfect analogy. Societal pressures, not actual fact.

          And yes, you’re right again: I know a lot of my girlfriends would say they’d be okay with a sensitive guy, but they’d bitch about it as well — men just can’t win actually. Women want you to be sensitive and yet we want you to be strong and fierce. It’s a tough cross to bare so I feel a little bad for you boys (Uhm, but then I simply remember that we get menstrual cramps every month and have to deal with that on a regular basis, oh and pregnancy so, I’m thinking we’re kinda even – hee!).

          But I’ll admit this much about myself: I have ended friendships with men because they’re so elusive and so PRETEND “manly”. Meaning they claim to be so easy going and yet because they’re not honest with themselves or even in touch with a real part of who they are, they just drain my energy. In that sense, I’m very different from most women — I’m blunt and fierce and almost demand TRUTH in all relationships so I can’t tolerate lies, to one-self and definitely not to me. So, a man who is not able to understand his own emotions or even express them most likely won’t be in my circle of friends for too long. And that’s why the article hit me so hard. I just never related that behavior as a possible form of depression. It never even dawned on me — and I tend to believe I’m one of the good ones — you know, one of the “smart” more “evolved” women and I guess…I’m not! But now I know better! And when you know better, you do better!

          Oh, and you have your secrets: Like JM? Uhm, we all know your mom didn’t name you “Just Me” but we all call you that — I would say that’s “hiding”…

          8)

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          • “It’s a tough cross to bare…”

            Hahaha, believe me Carmen, I’m not looking for sympathy for our plight! Everyone has it tough and man has yet to figure out a comeback for PMS or child birth, haha. Probably because we realize there isn’t a valid one.

            I’m happy that you have taken so much understanding away from this article, that it’s opened your eyes to things you may not have noticed before.

            As far as my mother naming me Just Me? Hahaha, uhmmmmm no that is not my given name, you’re right. But, I have my reasons for that and besides, it’s no fair bringing that up when I’m not allowed to bring up somebody else who’s given name isn’t [insert name I’m not allowed to say here], now is it?

            8)

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          • Please see my “Church, Sex And Everything In Between Post” for the full explanation Carmen!

            Needless to say I stopped my sensitive and soft side from going so far as saying that I have beautiful eyes. Oddly enough my showing my emotions led some people to believe that I was either a gay man or a woman if I remember correctly. Which goes to show you why guys tend to hide that kind of thing, haha.

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            • Oh, yeah! I remember now. And for the record, I love that you and Roger have that deep connection between you’s. 😉

              Yes, you beautiful MEN do tend to hide that kind of thing…and you really shouldn’t!

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              • Yes we do, haha.

                Hey, I’m doing my best not to hide it you know. I’ll be sure to let you know how that works out for me.

                Oh yes, and Thank you!

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  7. Thanks so much for posting this. There are far to many of us suffering in silence. Like Roger, it seems I too am destined to stay on medications for the rest of my life to manage my depression. I can’t say, however, that they’ve helped me return to “normal”, since I never thought of myself that way to begin with. 😕

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    • Thank you for stopping by and more importantly for voice-ing your thoughts. I’m actually getting a lot of responses in emails and on facebook (to my surprise) and I think men really need to know it’s okay to feel like this and that other men do. I truly had no idea. I’m so glad I posted this — I’ve learned a lot today.

      A pleasure to “meet” you! 🙂

      Carm~

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  8. BGC,

    I can personally attest to the content of this post about depression.

    I have had several long and difficult battles with depression in my life and I denied them for a long time.I mostly thought it was just a normal consequence of getting older. When I did admit it and seek treatment, I had a long hill to climb to get back to normal.

    It was well worth the effort, however. My depression has now been under control for several years. I am one of those people that need to stay on medications for the rest of my life. Again, it is well worth it. As long as I stay on my medication, I feel normal in every way.

    That is if you can say I was ever normal. 8)

    Roger

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    • Roger,

      Thank you so much for sharing that. I think if more men could feel comfortable in expressing this or..if we as a society didn’t look down upon it so much, men would realize it easier or quicker and be able to deal with it head on. It really was an eye-opener for me!

      (“Normal” is over-rated. I like “interesting”…yeah, we’re “interesting” Roger! Uniquely interesteing! Ha!).

      ~BGC

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