STOP BEING GRATEFUL!

Enjoy the podcast, or read below. Either way, I hope you enjoy it a bit…

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Patio flowersI honestly don’t know where along the way people started equating being grateful and writing in “gratitude journals” as being something you practiced or did in hopes of getting “abundance”.

Gratefulness or being grateful has nothing to do with getting any sort of “reward”.  If you write in a gratitude journal every day about being grateful you get absolutely nothing but clarity about what you’re grateful for.  It would be analogous to writing an “honesty journal” every day.  Being honest is part of what we can do — it’s an “IS-NESS” and it doesn’t come with a reward of abundance – being honest, like being grateful IS its own reward.  It is part of who we naturally can choose to be as human beings.

It drives me insane when I hear gratitude being linked to abundance or any other reward-esque thing.  And let’s be honest: what does abundance mean anyways?  Surely we all want to believe that abundance is some intangible greatness that we’ll get if we keep writing them journals and praying on it and such, but at the end of the day, don’t we all just want to be able to pay our bills, make a living, keep from illness and despair and have joy more times than not?  Well, spiritual-esque preachers and the like will have you believing that it’s because you’re not grateful enough.  And how would you know?

Now before I get slammed by a bunch of angry spiritual folk, let me say a few things, I believe in God. I believe in being grateful and I actually believe in this mystical abundance – the difference is, I don’t link the two. There is NO quid pro quo.  You do not need to be grateful every day to have this elusive abundance that has no real definition.  I mean, honestly, how many people do you know that are NOT grateful for anything and yet are swimming in material abundance?  And in this case, yes, I’m equating abundance with wealth – but I can also ask you the same question the other way:  how many people do you know who are not as grateful as you are about anything and seem to be living in spiritual abundance even if it feels like a façade?

Surely these “gurus” from all sectors of the spiritual and not so spiritual realm are trying to motivate and inspire.  My problem is they don’t really explain the link, they don’t define the term “abundance” and they leave just enough out to let the flock interpret meaning and keep you coming back for more.

Being grateful, just like being happy, is just part of being human.  Sometimes you see a rainbow and you’re grateful.  You see a baby born, grateful.  You get a bonus, grateful. You break your arm and realize how much you really use it, grateful.  Gratefulness is the outcome of what has already happened. Gratefulness is what already IS.  You don’t need to remind yourself and write about it daily and it is something you should do and BE because you’re human.  You get nothing in return for being a good human except… you know, being a good human!  But people have convinced us that if we walk around in gratitude all day long and appreciate the things you have that somehow magically you won’t still want more – that you’ll be happy with what you have and that appreciating what’s in-front of you will make you not crave anything else.  You’ll be content. Really?

We are human beings.  And the magnificent thing about the human spirit is that we always want more. It’s what got us to the moon, it’s what makes us solve mysteries, cure disease or climb mountains. It’s what makes us create iPhones or damns.  We’re not a complacent species to begin with.  There is nothing wrong with wanting or craving more – and you don’t have to beg for it or prove how grateful you are – one has nothing to do with the other.

But hey, if you do want to get something in return for your efforts, I do have a solution.  And the best part is, you don’t need to write in a journal or spend any money at all, unless you choose to.  And I promise you – if you work on this, you will get a reward that is so profound, you’ll be angry you didn’t start it sooner! It’s not this elusive “abundance” that all the gurus and life coaches seem to spew, but it’s better – and it’s usually provides immediate gratification!  Ready?

Every day, wake up and work on being compassionate.  Do a better job of having empathy for your fellow human beings.  And you can do this everywhere.  Have an abundance of understanding and love for your fellow neighbor even if you don’t agree with them. For example, you can be driving in your car and when someone needs to get into your lane – throw them a smile and wave them on. Most times you’ll get an immediate feeling of joy for doing such a simple act of kindness.  Help someone at work who you know is struggling.  Give a homeless person a smile instead of avoiding them or cursing them under your breath.  Work on those types of things and I promise you, you’ll get so much more in return.

Being a compassionate person, working on being sympathetic and loving is a far greater use of your valuable time than continuously writing in your gratitude journals about all the stuff you’re so grateful for.  It kinda seems a bit self-absorbed and a bit silly when you think of it.

But imagine if you could write down today all the times you were a compassionate soul to another human being?  How many would you be able to write today?  One? Two? Five?   Let me emphasize again, you need not write down a thing. And compassion could be as simple as a smile to a fellow runner or walker along a path — But when we show compassion, something that actually takes effort on our part, not only is it a beautiful thing for the person who needs the moment, who needs the love, but it is most times an immediate gratification for the person showing the compassion.  It’s definitely quid pro quo.  Now, I’m not saying it’s the only reason you should be compassionate, but you know, whatever gets you started there, works for me!

Here’s my thing:  I’m tired of listening to people I admire talk about gratitude in terms of abundance – it’s become so cliché and for whatever the initial intentions where, it’s become skewed and now so very self-indulgent.  Stop it.  Be grateful because it’s something you should be.  Don’t be grateful because there’s some magical gift coming from doing so.

Compassion – that’s the ticket.  You want to write in a journal every day?  Start writing a compassion & empathy journal.  Figure out how to be a more loving, kind and compassionate soul on the planet and I promise you, finding “abundance” won’t even be an issue.

My POV Ray Miller

Have a sweet day . . .

Carmen

*Music by Chris Zabriskie, Prelude No. 23, http://chriszabriskie.com/

6 thoughts on “STOP BEING GRATEFUL!

  1. Having gone through a phase in which I listened and practiced the things spewed by preachers and life coaches about abundance, I can testify (under oath) that this kind of thing never worked for me.

    When they talked about abundance, it usually meant wealth and how they got it. But as time went on, I caught on to their act, their scam, the reason they even have wealth: because they’re selling an illusion on how to obtain wealth to people who want wealth.

    For awhile, I thought about doing this same thing myself. Start a church or pass myself off as a life coach with “The Secret” to abundance and get people to throw their money at me by the bagful. It would work and I know it would work, but the fact that I have too much respect for people to take their money in such a dishonest way is the reason why I still have a Ramen noodle dinner pretty much every night while revising my first, still unpublished novel yet again.

    So I guess you could say that having an abundance of respect will get you that much. But really, my life hasn’t been and will probably never be about what I get in return… obviously.

    Anyway, this was a great post. I’m also listening to the podcast now, just to hear your voice, and I really like the way you did this reading. It sounds very professional. 🙂

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    • First, let me say thank you. So kind of you to say I sound “professional” — I love that! I am trying real hard to do a better job of posting and doing my PodCast or Voice-over work so — my ego is happy!

      Secondly, I am so sorry you went through that — but yes, a lot of people have been whipped up into it — and mostly because so many people keeping re-hashing the same old lines over and over again. “Abundance this” and “Abundance that”. So, I’m glad you found your way through the crap-ola they were spewing.

      And, I may sound lame when I say this, but I mean it from my heart: I know it may be real hard right now in some aspects (Ramon Noodle nights) but, I truly believe it is better to live authentically with dignity — being able to feel good about yourself and be able to look people in the eye — than to live the life that is untrue. You will get to where you’re going. And I know when you get there, it’ll feel so worth it and so good! And you’ll look back at Ramon Noodle nights and smile… of this I’m absolutely sure!!

      Thank you again for the kindness and compliment — you made my day!

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      • Thank you. I appreciate the response. 🙂

        What’s funny, though, is that the other day I was thinking about how, in ten years, I will look back and laugh at these moments I’m in and feel down about sometimes. Then I realized that I don’t have to wait for ten years to go by; I can look at it and laugh now. 😉

        Liked by 1 person

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