Single and Breathing

Okay, I want to share this:After picking up my Lotto Tickets

I walked down to the gas station so I could get a Lotto ticket and also to just get a little workout in.

I was sweaty and gross and as I was finalizing my lottery ticket (which I’m sure is going to win) when this young man came up to me and asked me if I was single.

Continue reading loose transcript below or listen to the podcast:

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I was a little bit thrown.  Good looking young man, very well dressed and he was buying gas or something.

I looked behind me to see if he was talking to somebody behind me and he said, “No, I’m asking you. Are you single?”

I still couldn’t answer him because I was in shock.  He said, “I’d love to buy you a drink or maybe lunch or coffee…”.  He was so elegant and quite fantastic actually.

But I just looked at him and I just said, “You know, I can’t do that — my boyfriend’s waiting for me at home but thank you.  I appreciate it.”  And I just pivoted and walked away.

I started thinking about how embarrassed I was that he asked me.

Also he probably was half my age?  – Maybe not half my age, but it doesn’t matter –  he was young enough to be my son.  And although I was flattered by that, there’s a part of me that knows I have some very strict standards.

I feel a little bad that I lied to him, but I’d rather have lied to him, than have made him feel stupid or made him feel bad.

I am single.

I am single because I have had two great loves in my life and I was so disappointed when they ended that I think it’s been very difficult for me to even consider the possibility ever again.

It’s not that they ended badly or that they were horrible, it’s just that when you really do love someone and you care for them it’s really difficult to lose that friendship as well as the relationship.

I’m not sitting here pretending that I could have been friends with these people ever again after what happened between us, but it was so disappointing, and it hurt me so much that I think it’s really hard for me to ever even consider anything less than what I want now and what I deserve.

It’s almost as if having those relationships have now set the bar really high.

So, I am not going to spend any more time on “finding love”.  Any more than I do on anything else in my life because I believe there is something very organic in relationships.

I don’t go looking for friendships.  I don’t go looking for new girl-friends either to hang out with.  They either happen or they don’t in all of the things that I do in my life.  And I think that’s kind-of how the next step has to be for me.

I’m also not crazed about this idea that I have to be married.  Or that I have to be in a relationship.

I do believe we are social beings.  I do believe we are better with companions and friendships and partners and spouses.  But, I also think we can be worse with those things too if it’s not the right fit.

So yeah, I’m single.  But it’s a good thing, not a bad thing. It’s not preferred or something that I don’t like – it’s just where I’m at today.

In order for me to ever really consider ever dating someone again, he’s going to have to at least be in his 40’s – or at least turning 40 – and then all my other standards that I have.

I guess the reason why I’m sharing this post is because I wanted to say this:

I think it’s OK to have standards.  I think it’s OK to want what you want!

What I don’t want is some of the relationships that some of my friends have.  They are in so deep with children and mortgages and their businesses are tied in and they feel like they can’t breathe.

You know what? Right now I’m single and I can breathe.  And I love it. And I don’t want that to change as much as I want to find someone that kind of fits into that puzzle pretty easily (if that makes any sense).

I just wanted to share that. I would love to hear your thoughts.

As always, have a sweet day. Thank you again for always stopping by — I appreciate it!

I’ll be back again soon.

Bye.

Carmen

6 thoughts on “Single and Breathing

  1. Good morning, Carmen.

    I rarely swear, but holy fuck that was a great post. I hear you. I FUCKING HEAR YOU. More than I can say.

    I’ve only had one fantastic fling with a woman. I’ve been married too and before that (and after) I had an occasional date, and a few girlfriends. Nothing that stuck though.

    I’m single too. I’m so happy to be who I am, fully. I think that’s the key, perhaps. How often do you find someone who fits with you so well that you become *MORE* you, because s/he enables that, and appreciates you. I think it’s fairly rare.

    I’m okay to live alone unless and until I meet someone like that. Someone who will become *more* of who they are, just as they enable me to do the same.

    When I left a horrible marriage, that’s the one thing I noticed too, Carmen: I was finally able to breathe. I actually wept because of the sudden peace of my new home after the separation. Sat in a breakfast place and cried over my eggs and bacon.

    So yeah – I hear you. (And I’m sorry – I didn’t want to make your post about me. It’s about you and the freedom you enjoy).

    No one should feel sorry for you. Or for me. We’re living. Not just existing.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Wolfie! I love that you reacted this way — My posts aren’t supposed to be just about me, I write them because I hope someone else “gets me” too! Plus, you know, you’re YOU! And I never allow “curse words” on comments, but you know, again, you’re YOU! No problem! But yes, I get it. I love the idea of someone becoming “more” of who they are and vice-versa. I never thought of it that way.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Loved your post. Also loved how you created a podcast with your posts 🙂 (note to self).
    I’m currently going through my first divorce. You are literally playing the lotto when allowing love and relationships to enter your life. Even though I do make a lot of decisions based upon my feelings, I’ve learned to use wisdom in opening up my heart and spirit to potential relationships.
    Great post Carmen

    Liked by 2 people

    • Hi Jason. I would have never thought of that way — “relationships” and “love” like a lottery. I hope not. I’m sorry you’re going through a divorce. That’s not easy at all — but, you will get through it. And don’t close off your feelings — please don’t. Love is such an intangible thing to define and I think “feelings” is a big part of it! But yes, use all your experience, wisdom and brain power as well to assist. I don’t think you can decide how your heart opens up Jason. But, maybe? I know when I met one man, I was thrown by how I couldn’t control how I was feeling about him. And trust me, I’m kind-of great being in control of feelings. But I’m glad to see you’re not opposed to opening your heart and spirit up again for a possible new relationship! I think life would be so odd NOT having that possibility!

      Oh, and thank you on the podcast/posts thing. Hugs!

      Liked by 1 person

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