Today I Became A Real Writer #AuthorToolBoxBlogHop

/ Carmen Suarez

My writings been fierce and furious. I wake up at 4:00am, coffee automatically percolating, and the only thing guiding my way through the dark is the smell of fresh brewed covfefe.  Covfefe being the only funny contribution to our existence by the idiot man leading my country at the moment… but oh, I digress. I usually sit. Write and write some more. 

Coffee. Coffee. Coffee.

It’s so early, the quietest time of the day, it’s sheer perfection.  I hate this apartment complex I live in – everyone moves around too much, walks, breathes, lives and just mutherfucking annoys the hell out of my existence every single day. What I hate most about Covid?  That all these “neighbors” are home. All. The. Time. I hate them I tell you, hate.  Don’t they know I’m trying to write a masterpiece???? 

Alright, alright. Clearly, I need coffee. 

Coffee brewed, coffee poured, soothing to my soul. The birds are even sleeping. It’s dark as all hell outside. But I know the sun will pierce through soon enough. 

I open the front door.

Ugghhhhh. 

I was expecting a breeze of cooler air, but no!  It’s still. It’s the same temperature out there as in here. Damn it. It’s so muggy. WHY?

Breathe. That’s okay, my coffee smells amazing. Focus. 

Yesterday had been a bad day. I read my written work for my next book – 5 chapters – and realized how god-awful it was…is. I mean is.  It’s still awful today.  I cried.  5 chapters in, I thought it would be brilliant.  While I wrote them, I believed I was writing the next Alchemist, the next… something. But no. Hell to the no!  Hell to the NO so badly, I’m writing this instead.  THIS is better than all of that, and THIS, THIS is me rambling, venting…

But this is writing. This is the creative process.  Those 5 chapters really do suck.  They do. They’re NOT me. They’re ME pretending to be a writer who published a book who now needs to write a second one. 

I think it just hit me. Today, for the first time, I realized I’m officially a real writer.  I mean, I’m already an author, but today, reading this crap that I wrote, I think made me realize that a real writer would know it’s crap and start over. And Lord help me Jeezus, this stuff sucks!  I’m “throwing it out” and starting over. And yaaaassss…. Before you ask, I can’t really throw it out cuz it’s not paper, but I’m just trashing it and starting from page one. 

Yeah, today, I became a real writer.  It’s freaking me out a little bit. 

This post is part of the AuthorToolBoxBlogHop – click on the link for more information.

13 thoughts on “Today I Became A Real Writer #AuthorToolBoxBlogHop”

  1. You are already a “real writer” — you are writing!

    I love the voice in this post. Your writer voice is vivid and real, no matter how you feel about your writing.

    I’m with you on the “scrap the current writing and start over” thing. I’m about to do a complete rewrite of my main WIP, and I’m not exactly looking forward to it.

    Liked by 1 person

    • 🤣 Thank you! I guess you’re right, if I’m writing I’m already writing! But yeah, I hear you on the complete rewrite, but you know I feel better now. It just wasn’t sitting right so it just made sense. Good luck though. Sending you some positive cool creative vibes! 🤗

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Oof that is such a hard decision, but is one of the banes of being an author I suppose. Knowing when what you’ve written is up to snuff for your own expectations is a big step. The next piece you write will be better, and you’re seeing yourself improving, and that’s really what this is all about. I admire your bravery though, I still struggle with tossing and starting over sometimes! ❤

    Thank you for sharing!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Congratulations and welcome! lol, you were definitely a writer before, but yeah, it might be a kind of right of passage for this to happen. Years ago, I remember reading that most authors have 1-3 books in a “drawer” (hard drive obviously, but I guess authors say drawer.) So you put those 5 chapters deep in a drawer and forget about them for a while. I hope one day they’ll be useful to you, though, same way I hope the first book I wrote is useful to me. Probably full of cobwebs by now, and musty as f for being in the drawer all this time. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    • I love that you welcomed me! hahahaha! A right of passage. That puts it in such a good light. Gracias. I’m learning to breathe through it and just be okay with it. But this made me laugh outloud this morning and I’m just smiling. I feel so good about it now! xo!

      Like

  7. Writing early in the morning is the best! I hate those first few minutes of boiling the water (I’m a tea person), waiting for my head to halfway clear. But then I’m into it, and all is quiet, and it’s slowly getting lighter. So good. What you say about being true to your own vision and not to ideas about what a good writer should be writing–that’s good stuff. Thank you for sharing, as ever.

    Liked by 1 person

Comments are closed.