November 18^th 2020, Wednesday 6:09am

In so many ways I’m a little proud of myself that I’ve been able to make this transition from writing with a pen and sketch book, to actually typing my daily stuffage on my computer. I’m still not sure it’s my preference, I will always love the feel of pen to paper, but this does make it a little easier to share…if I choose too.

Today is yet another Covid day in a long list of Covid days over the past many months. But today, I have no zoom calls scheduled. No class, no meetups, no workshops, no client calls,  not even a zoom spin class I’d normally do with my fabulous bike, but for my hamstring injury… Honestly, 5 minutes on my spin bike and I can feel the pain trickle back up. For now I just look at my bike, longing for the day to have another fierce sweaty workout. Hopefully real soon.

Normally, I’d have scheduled a writing day or start to scour my calendar to see what “busy work” I have  coming up that I could do today. For example, on Sunday, I scheduled “personal bookkeeping” in the morning – I could easily get that done today.  It doesn’t really involve much at all since there’s not a whole lot of cash coming in from anywhere or being spent ridiculously, and yet, I’m so damn organized, I reconcile my books regularly and know, to the penny where every cent is spent. Uhem, yeah, I could do that, but Jeez… yeah, BORING! And honestly, it’d take like 10 minutes max so…yeah, I’m so not in the mood to do that today either.

What else?

Remember the good ‘ole days when you found yourself having nothing to do you’d go spend the day going to the movies, the beach and then go out for a nice lunch in-between? Aaah, I miss those days.

The thing about being single and without children is that you really do have the freedom to do whatever you want ALL THE TIME.  And one of my favorite things to do back then (feels like it was so long ago – but just pre-Covid) was to have what I called a “ME” day. 

A “ME” day would be exactly what it sounds like – a day to do whatever I wanted for ME.  Going to the beach and just sitting at this bench and watch the waves roll in…  now with masks, and so many people around, it’s just not the same.  I’ve gone a few times since Covid and sure as hell, people – OTHER PEOPLE would be sitting on MY bench (blasphemy!).   I think the worst thing about it is wearing a mask (which I do vigilantly) but seeing others not doing it or seeing people running & working out without a mask… I know it’s outside, but it just bums me out – how little regard we have for each other. WEAR A FUCKING MASK PEOPLE!!! It’s just not the same to sit there anymore…

I digress.

I used to go to the movies by myself mid-day as well.  My favorite was to go and see a film like the Avengers End Game for the third time or any action film and sit in a theater – usually by myself – in the early afternoon and watch other parts of the film, while eating as much popcorn as possible. You know the first time you watch a film you’re just getting the story and the main characters – but the second and third time, you’re watching the background actors, the detail of the set, listening to how music is changing the feeling of a scene… I love, love, loved doing that!   

Aaah, the good ‘ole days.

After the movie, I’d find myself at one of the local restaurants and would sit, usually in a favorite booth or table that I’d frequent before and eat whatever was my “regular” meal.  Maybe, if I was in the mood, I’d sip a glass of wine and always, always, always, people watch. Nine times out of ten, I’d strike up a conversation with someone else nearby and it could be a simple “hello” to a full-on conversation about how their life is going or vice-versa. 

Yeah, I miss those days. The pre-Covid “ME” days.

The thing about ME days is that they act as a way to refresh that same’ole same’ole day. When you’re working, hanging with friends, dealing with family, and just getting in a little rut of too much “familiar” –  it was just a great way to rejuvenate the soul! 

ME days were a little bit of quiet time, mixed in with self-care.  I’d put my phone on airplane-mode and just do things like get my nails done, or my hair BEFORE going to the movies. Or maybe I’d just read a book, sitting at the beach and skip the movie and dining out all the together. The point was it was my alone time. Time to connect with myself and take good care of ME.

BUT NOW….

Goodness Lord. I love myself something fierce, but even I’ve had enough of ME!   I’ve certainly had about as much “ME Time” as I can handle.  Hahahahahaha!  And yeah, it’s just not the same. In a lot of ways, Covid has made that 1993 movie Groundhog Day a reality!  And not having something to do today, is making it feel kind of hard.   

Breathe Carmen. First. World. Problems.

So, no writing schedule, no zoom workshop, no zoom class, no zoom client call, no friend meetups or anything at all.  Wow. I guess, on the bright side, I’ve really have done a good job of keeping busy.

Yikes. This feels a little weird though.

Okay, well, I’ll go for a little walk. I’ll be super kind to my healing hamstring, but I’ll start with a walk.  And who knows? Maybe not having a thing scheduled today will be a good and surprising adventure anyways? Hmm. Maybe not. But I’m open to the possibilities and grateful for the day anyways… I’m just glad to be here and that’s always a good way to start.

Carmen