You Don’t Get To Be In My Life Just Because You Exist

You don’t get to be in my life just because we met online or at the grocery store. At the very least, you may get an opportunity, but there are no guarantees, no commitments, no promises.

I protect my space. There are boundaries, rules, there are safeguards that have been built over a long period of time and you, no matter how grand you think you are, do not get a pass for any reason.  It all takes time. For me to get to know you, for you, to get to know me.  And at some point, a decision will be made whether or not, you get to stay, in my space.

Telling me who you are, does not supersede showing me. It’s real easy to tell me all the things you would do, but when that moment comes, that’s the test. That’s when it all matters. 

It’s easy to be a good and decent human being when life is perfectly moving along. But I judge you on who are you in the world when the road is bumpy, dangerous, and outright horrible.  For example, do you thrive in a moment of complexity, or do you run and hide? Worse, do you make excuses for why you wanted to help another, but something else, someone else made it impossible for you to be even the tiniest kind of hero? Are you a solid kind of person in a moment of heartache, or do you crumble? And if you crumble, are you honest and admit that you made a mistake or that you couldn’t walk on thru?  Mind you, no one is required to be a hero in my world, but you are required not to lie about it. The lie, the fakery, that is the weakness. That is how I will judge you.

You don’t get to be in my life just because you exist. That’s not how it works. 

And yes, I know how it sounds. I’m a nobody. Why would it matter for anyone to want to be in my space?  Exactly. Because to you, I may be nothing. And that is the point.  The only people I want in my life are those who add something to it. Those who teach me something. Those, who in the midst of their own precious moments, lift me up just by existing. Those who know, I am somebody worthy to them. Those people who see my light clearly and I can see theirs brilliantly – and somehow, we connect with no fanfare whatsoever.  

Not everyone deserves a space in your life. Some people are meant to just be a moment along your journey. They remind you of what you don’t want or teach you something you didn’t know. But that is all. Some people find a way to stay a little longer and even still, you know easily when it’s time for them to go – Let. Them. Go. 

And then there are others, the most precious of them all, those who will stay with you forever. Even if physically, they are no longer here.  There’s no work to this connection. There’s no need for analysis or critique – it is a “knowing”. They walk along your journey, easily fitting in within the life you’ve so easily built and the company is pleasant, even necessary, and even when things get hard – especially when things get hard, you know they’ll be by your side – not just because they said they would be, but because you’ve seen it several times.    

Be okay with not letting everyone into your life. Be okay with letting people go.  Protect all that you are and all that you’ve created. You deserve only the best kind of people who understand you, support you, and who will always be there for you. 

And yes, while I’m here, take this to heart as well – be okay with others not wanting you in their lives. It is a blessing when someone shows you who they are.  It’s an even bigger gift when someone says, “No”. Think of it as an opening. It does not need to be a rejection, change your perspective, and see it as an amazing opportunity to move forward along your journey with the freedom and ability to meet new people, your people, along the way. 

With so much love,

Carmen

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