I learn so much on Tiktok. This saying, “Have the Day You Deserve” is the latest. It’s akin to someone saying, “Bless Your Heart.”  It’s not really a compliment or kindness, but just a nice way of insulting someone. “Have the day you deserve” serves the same purpose, although when I’ve heard it used, it seems to be a harsher, more of a “FU” in a way. It’s usually used to tell someone who is being a jerk, that they should enjoy whatever is coming to them.  You know, the day they deserve – one filled with as much yukkiness as they’ve put out into the world.  Clever.

Are we getting better as a society? My gut says no. In so many ways I see us taking more steps backward than moving forward. It scares me a bit. People seem angrier. Less tolerant. More willing to fight or hurt someone over nothing. We’ve lost so much and gained so little. Have the day you deserve is a good way to push people and the issue away. I guess it’s better than arguing with someone…

I remember growing up in the neighborhood hearing adults scream at each other and having incredible disagreements over silly things like someone parking their car badly and blocking a driveway to which ballplayer did what in last night’s game. Even someone talking about someone’s family member would bring full-on screaming hating-on-each-other kind of fights. Yes, fistfights!  And then, the following week you’d see both parties talking on the stoop, sipping from the same flask or beer bottle as if nothing had happened between them. There was something oddly respectable about it. There was a ridiculousness to it for sure, but still, a comradery that we were all in this together somehow.  Never would I imagine a disagreement would lead to someone’s death.

Don’t get me wrong, I grew up in a tough neighborhood. We had issues. We had gangs. There was poverty and drugs everywhere and yes, some times even death – and yet, I don’t ever remember being worried about someone dying today. The escalation of such an argument would have been gradual but would have to be enormous to get to a point, and then, even still – it wouldn’t be a random act of cowardness like walking into a grocery store or church with an automatic weapon and killing innocent people. No. There would be a place, where people would meet and fight it out. You didn’t worry about someone having a gun and killing you while you did every day things…

And before anyone thinks I grew up so long ago – the unfortunate truth is, I grew up in the 80’s. It was a long time ago, but actually not that long ago…  I’m not saying things were better back then. I think some things were for sure, but some things were definitely NOT and I wouldn’t go back if I could, but I do miss the reverence for life. I do miss that when someone died, we cared so much and felt the loss as if it were our own. I miss the pit in my stomach when we heard someone did bring a gun somewhere… “A gun? A gun, you say? Where did they get a gun?” Now, we’re not even surprised at all. Anyone can get a gun. Literally, anyone.

I miss that we cared about each other for real. We don’t anymore. We don’t care for each other at all. We only care about our own. We barely tolerate each other now. That’s why when someone does a simple act like helping an old man cross the street, the video becomes viral, and we all get teary-eyed by the teenager’s kindness or whatever. We’re pathetic. We’re so starved for basic decency we clap and tear up at the most basic of deeds a human being should be doing every day as part of this thing we call Life.  We’ve lost so much as a people, especially in this country, but everywhere…. I thought we were better than this. But clearly, I’m wrong.

Maybe we’re all just having the day we deserve.

by Carmen Suarez

Photo by Pixabay