What’s One Thing You Don’t Like About Yourself? 

I don’t always see the cruelty in people quickly enough. I love that I’m optimistic and always looking for the good in others, but there are always easy signs that some people are just harsh, cruel, manipulative, and not worthy of my time. I hate that I’m sometimes blind to that, especially when I think I like someone or like what they do or what they’ve contributed.  People are complex – and even though someone may be great on the one hand, it’s also possible that they’re not so great on another.  Being open to seeing people more clearly, for a longer period before I make a judgment on who they really are, is definitely my goal. 

What’s One Thing You Love About Yourself?

I love that I am both a staunch introvert and a full-on extrovert.  I cherish my alone time so much and I thrive in it. I also love that I need alone time to thrive in a crowd.  I love being around people. I love interacting and meeting new and fascinating folk all the time. And I enjoy the process of talking and listening and learning from others. In so many ways, my superpower has always been, being okay no matter what the circumstance.  And so, whether I’m on my own or dating or in a crowd, or on a solo vacation on a beach somewhere, I’m good.  And what I’ve embraced is, I cannot be my best self with other people, without having the time I need alone to rejuvenate, refresh and rest. 

What’s the One Thing You Would Change Right Now In Your Personal Life If You Could?

I wish I had something more profound to say, but honestly, if I could change one thing in my life right now, it would be to have an abundance of money. The overflowing kind of money. Don’t get me wrong, I do well enough so I’m not complaining – but I would like the amount of money that I could turn around and change people’s lives quietly. I’d be more like Dolly Parton and Keanu Reeves and less like so many others.  

I do the best I can to help others when I can. It feels so good to help another person. To me, it feels amazing to change a stranger’s life even if it’s just for a minute. In a lot of ways, it’s a selfish thing I’m saying here. I want a lot of money, so I can help a lot of people and get that good feeling that happens when you can truly change the trajectory of someone’s life. Even if it were for a moment. The idea that I would wake up every morning, not worried about paying my rent and other bills, but instead, worry about who I might help this week with a scholarship to whatever college they got into, or help a homeless family buy a new home, or just even surprising someone at the grocery store by paying for their groceries, I mean…(side note: I did this once, and the look on the woman’s face… it’ll never leave me. She had been struggling to try to find a way to make ends meet that week – and she had all the coupons and was putting stuff back from her cart… to this day, I wonder how she’s doing and I send her blessings. No one should struggle to pay for food, especially in the United States. Makes me tear up, makes me angry even…).

For now, I’m happy to do what I can – and maybe I only make a person smile for a moment or help in a small way to change someone’s life – but that works for me. You do what you can until you can do more, right? Life wouldn’t make sense without that ability to share and give and love.

What’s The One Thing You Wish for Others Today Who Are Reading This?

I always wish that people would have more empathy for others. Everyone assumes they are empathetic, but most people are not. Most people are not considerate either – though everyone believes they are these things. We all want to believe we are good people and so these two things we just think are a give-in to who we are. But they are not.

To be a good person, you really do have to work at it. You do. It takes such effort.  Being empathetic means being able to share someone else’s feelings. I always think about it as walking in someone else’s shoes. What would it feel like not to be able to eat? What would it feel like to be without family or friends? For real. What would it feel like to not have enough? Can I truly understand, even a tiny bit, what that might be like to be that person suffering? Do I remember what hunger feels like? Do I know what it feels like to be cold, late at night without a bed or the safety of a locked door?

Being considerate means being careful not to inconvenience another person or hurt another person with your own needs. Meaning that before you do something, you are aware of how it might affect another person.  You’re aware of how your actions may bother, influence, alert, etc., another human being. If a homeless person asks me for money and I can’t help them, what will snickering at them do or yelling at them to get a job do for them? Will that lift them up? Will that really encourage them? Or is that just making me feel better, justifying why I don’t want to help or even notice them? (I am not encouraging anyone to give money to the homeless, I am however, suggesting that you can just as easily send them a blessing and say nothing at all instead of being cruel – that’s part of being considerate. Realizing how you affect other people – it’s not about you, it’s about the other person.)

For me, having empathy and being considerate go hand-in-hand. Feeling deeply for our fellow human beings is what I would wish for anyone reading this far.  The world would be a better place if we all had actual empathy for one another and truly were considerate human beings.

Until next time,

Carmen