Enjoy the podcast, or read below. Either way, I hope you enjoy it a bit…


Patio flowersI honestly don’t know where along the way people started equating being grateful and writing in “gratitude journals” as being something you practiced or did in hopes of getting “abundance”.

Gratefulness or being grateful has nothing to do with getting any sort of “reward”.  If you write in a gratitude journal every day about being grateful you get absolutely nothing but clarity about what you’re grateful for.  It would be analogous to writing an “honesty journal” every day.  Being honest is part of what we can do — it’s an “IS-NESS” and it doesn’t come with a reward of abundance – being honest, like being grateful IS its own reward.  It is part of who we naturally can choose to be as human beings.

It drives me insane when I hear gratitude being linked to abundance or any other reward-esque thing.  And let’s be honest: what does abundance mean anyways?  Surely we all want to believe that abundance is some intangible greatness that we’ll get if we keep writing them journals and praying on it and such, but at the end of the day, don’t we all just want to be able to pay our bills, make a living, keep from illness and despair and have joy more times than not?  Well, spiritual-esque preachers and the like will have you believing that it’s because you’re not grateful enough.  And how would you know?

Now before I get slammed by a bunch of angry spiritual folk, let me say a few things, I believe in God. I believe in being grateful and I actually believe in this mystical abundance – the difference is, I don’t link the two. There is NO quid pro quo.  You do not need to be grateful every day to have this elusive abundance that has no real definition.  I mean, honestly, how many people do you know that are NOT grateful for anything and yet are swimming in material abundance?  And in this case, yes, I’m equating abundance with wealth – but I can also ask you the same question the other way:  how many people do you know who are not as grateful as you are about anything and seem to be living in spiritual abundance even if it feels like a façade?

Surely these “gurus” from all sectors of the spiritual and not so spiritual realm are trying to motivate and inspire.  My problem is they don’t really explain the link, they don’t define the term “abundance” and they leave just enough out to let the flock interpret meaning and keep you coming back for more.

Being grateful, just like being happy, is just part of being human.  Sometimes you see a rainbow and you’re grateful.  You see a baby born, grateful.  You get a bonus, grateful. You break your arm and realize how much you really use it, grateful.  Gratefulness is the outcome of what has already happened. Gratefulness is what already IS.  You don’t need to remind yourself and write about it daily and it is something you should do and BE because you’re human.  You get nothing in return for being a good human except… you know, being a good human!  But people have convinced us that if we walk around in gratitude all day long and appreciate the things you have that somehow magically you won’t still want more – that you’ll be happy with what you have and that appreciating what’s in-front of you will make you not crave anything else.  You’ll be content. Really?

We are human beings.  And the magnificent thing about the human spirit is that we always want more. It’s what got us to the moon, it’s what makes us solve mysteries, cure disease or climb mountains. It’s what makes us create iPhones or damns.  We’re not a complacent species to begin with.  There is nothing wrong with wanting or craving more – and you don’t have to beg for it or prove how grateful you are – one has nothing to do with the other.

But hey, if you do want to get something in return for your efforts, I do have a solution.  And the best part is, you don’t need to write in a journal or spend any money at all, unless you choose to.  And I promise you – if you work on this, you will get a reward that is so profound, you’ll be angry you didn’t start it sooner! It’s not this elusive “abundance” that all the gurus and life coaches seem to spew, but it’s better – and it’s usually provides immediate gratification!  Ready?

Every day, wake up and work on being compassionate.  Do a better job of having empathy for your fellow human beings.  And you can do this everywhere.  Have an abundance of understanding and love for your fellow neighbor even if you don’t agree with them. For example, you can be driving in your car and when someone needs to get into your lane – throw them a smile and wave them on. Most times you’ll get an immediate feeling of joy for doing such a simple act of kindness.  Help someone at work who you know is struggling.  Give a homeless person a smile instead of avoiding them or cursing them under your breath.  Work on those types of things and I promise you, you’ll get so much more in return.

Being a compassionate person, working on being sympathetic and loving is a far greater use of your valuable time than continuously writing in your gratitude journals about all the stuff you’re so grateful for.  It kinda seems a bit self-absorbed and a bit silly when you think of it.

But imagine if you could write down today all the times you were a compassionate soul to another human being?  How many would you be able to write today?  One? Two? Five?   Let me emphasize again, you need not write down a thing. And compassion could be as simple as a smile to a fellow runner or walker along a path — But when we show compassion, something that actually takes effort on our part, not only is it a beautiful thing for the person who needs the moment, who needs the love, but it is most times an immediate gratification for the person showing the compassion.  It’s definitely quid pro quo.  Now, I’m not saying it’s the only reason you should be compassionate, but you know, whatever gets you started there, works for me!

Here’s my thing:  I’m tired of listening to people I admire talk about gratitude in terms of abundance – it’s become so cliché and for whatever the initial intentions where, it’s become skewed and now so very self-indulgent.  Stop it.  Be grateful because it’s something you should be.  Don’t be grateful because there’s some magical gift coming from doing so.

Compassion – that’s the ticket.  You want to write in a journal every day?  Start writing a compassion & empathy journal.  Figure out how to be a more loving, kind and compassionate soul on the planet and I promise you, finding “abundance” won’t even be an issue.

My POV Ray Miller

Have a sweet day . . .


*Music by Chris Zabriskie, Prelude No. 23,

Video Bloggin’ It – Embrace Hell

Don’t you hate when you’re feeling down about life and someone comes along and tells you that you should be grateful?

Oh, they mean well for sure, but it’s probably the last thing I want to hear.

The truth is, I believe that being grateful is something we should BE every single day regardless of how we feel. Gratefulness shouldn’t be something we only grasp onto for dear life just when we’re struggling and in pain.

When you’re feeling badly, I think it’s actually okay to just feel bad.  It’s part of the human condition.  Sometimes we feel bad, sometimes we feel good.  It’s just the way it is.

The real problem comes when we deny that we’re feeling badly. Some people, when depressed, sad, or angry cover up those feelings by eating or drinking, doing drugs  or by creating “happy” thoughts or focusing on someone or something else – never truly dealing with what ails them.  That’s called DENIAL.  It’s also a LIE.  And lying to one-self usually always leads to all sorts of other problems.

When we lie to ourselves about how we’re feeling, no matter what the feeling, we inevitably end up hurting ourselves and others.  We end up destroying relationships, definitely destroying trust, and always deteriorating our own lives, whether we realize it or not.

Lying to oneself should never be an option.

So, if you’re feeling down, if you’re sad, depressed and angry, embrace it.  Deal with it.  No, I’m not a doctor but this is what works for me.  If you embrace the truth of how you’re feeling, then you can at least deal with it.  Now, for some people depending on the circumstance, that might mean getting professional help and that’s perfectly okay to!  Never be embarrassed for getting help.  Be proud of yourself for knowing what you don’t know and having the courage to understand it!   For others, just accepting that you’re having a tough time might be the first step in getting through it.

Winston Churchill has this great quote – it’s one of my favorites:

“If you’re going through hell, keep going.”

When you’re in “hell” don’t deny that you’re there.  Accept it, deal with it, and find a way out.  If you keep denying the truth, then all you do is continue to walk around in circles, staying right where you’ve always been:  in your own personal “hell”.

When I’m depressed or sad or whatever negative “ism” I might be in, I accept it and then give myself a time limit to deal with it. That may be 5 minutes to cry or sulk, or sometimes, it can be two days, it just depends,  but I don’t deny it , I don’t lie to myself about it, and I don’t let it fester.  And once I’m done “feeling” badly, I find a way out of “hell”.  Maybe that means picking up the phone and calling a friend or going out for a walk to just get a little change of pace, but the point is I start finding a way to move through it.  Ironically, knowing that I’m trying to get myself out of it, always makes me feel a little better.

Never deny, always be truthful to yourself, and find a way to get passed it.

By the way, this is harder.  Working through hell is hard.  It’s always much easier to sit and fester and stay in what we know – even if it is painful.  So, I’m not saying it’s easy, but I am saying, it’s worth it.  Because once you find yourself out of your own personal hell, there really is something on the other side.

Here’s the video blog I made for Michael …sorta same info, a little different flavor!

Peace, love and all that good stuff!